Who Are The Friends?

Chandler Bing
Could he BE anymore afraid of commitment? Until the age of 25, he thought the only response to "I love you" was "oh, crap." Chandler, or Ms. Chanandler Bong, will often offer a sarcastic comment, as he is not great with advice. He has a dull job working with statistical analysis and data reconfiguration, but is also known as a transponster. He is also the co-creator of fireball. Chandler's more important job is to teach Joey that his tailor is a very bad man. Chandler lives in a box and sometimes asks his slippers a question. He would know how to answer like a normal person if his parents had never gotten divorced. If you catch Chandler with a cigarette, he'll remind you that yesterday he was smoking again, today he's smoking still. But don't annoy him, or he'll post that you died getting hit by a blimp.

Rachel Green
She got off the plane! Rachel doesn't like FICA; she doesn't know who he is or why he's taking all her money. Well isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic? Her regular position when playing football is long, sometimes going long enough to buy a pretzel. Rachel's well-known dessert is an English trifle consisting of custard, jam, and beef sauteed with peas and onions. She was seen singing "Copacabana" looking like something you drink when you're nauseous. Rachel gets her feelings out best in writing. Especially when it's 18 pages. FRONT AND BACK! She also knows that it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal. Rachel is definitely not a morning person- she yells at the singing neighbor and threatens to get rid of the rooster by talking about the knives and cookbooks in the kitchen.

Ross Geller

This paleontologist wears a dinosaur tie, but thinks botanists are geeks. He also can't flirt. And he doesn't belong in a tanning salon. Ross has had a crush on Rachel since ninth grade, but things just kept getting in the way, like Italian guys. He finally got Rachel and lost her because he slept with someone else. It's okay though, because WE WERE ON A BREAK!, which Ross will never let anyone forget. His thing is divorce, but he doesn't want his tombstone to read "Ross Geller, three divorces." First marriage, wife's hidden sexuality, not his fault. Second marriage, said the wrong name at the alter, a little his fault. Third marriage, well, they really shouldn't allow you to get married when you're that drunk and have writing all over your face, Nevada's fault. But if Ross eats from batch 16 beware, batch 16 people, get out of the way! Never touch his sandwich or throw it away. Ross won't drink chocolate milk; he's 29. But he will make sure to use Überweiss detergent on a laundry date to make him seem more manly. Maybe Ross would seem more manly if his favorite shirt wasn't pink ("salmon"), and if he didn't put on makeup to make his teeth seem less white. One of the most important things to Ross is winning the Geller cup- or a troll doll nailed to a two-by-four.

Phoebe Buffay

Also known as Princess Consuela Bananahammock and Regina Phalange, Phoebe is often seen in Central Perk playing her guitar and singing songs she wrote about a smelly cat. She is the one to turn to when you want to have a frienaissance. Just make sure to bring a pillow for protection when she's driving her grandmother's cab! And stay out of harm's way when she goes to the dentist, someone always dies when she's in the chair. Phoebe enjoys playing her music for children, who know her as the lady who tells the truth. If you ask Phoebe if she has a plan, she'll tell you that she doesn't even have a pla. She likes helping her friends when they are sad by cleansing their aura. Phoebe speaks French, doesn't believe in gravity, and claims the theory of evolution is "too easy." After her mother's suicide by sticking her head in the oven, Phoebe's dark past living on the streets included a pimp spitting in her mouth, living in a burned out Buick LeSabre, stabbing a police officer, and mugging Ross while armed with a pipe. Phoebe has the power to get everyone to exit a plane when she has a feeling there is a problem with the left phalange. But don't worry- they don't know that we know they know we know.

Joey Tribbiani

If you see a guy walking around with a handbag, looking a girl up and down saying, "how you doin'?," that's Joey. Joey doesn't share food! He gets upset when you hang up on the pizza place and he's right, he wouldn't hang up on your friends! Joey's the guy to turn to when you need to know anything on the letter "v," he's got the encyclopedia. But never leave a turkey unattended around Joey, he'll get it stuck on his head. Ken Adams is always around to tell his story of years ago, when he was backpacking across Western Europe, when he was just outside of Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo. If Joey ever wants to live alone, just remind him not to- he doesn't have as many thoughts as he thought. With his fine Italian craftsmanship, Joey built the stunning entertainment center with his own hands using the finest oak east of the Mississippi. His own hands, not to be confused with his hand twin from Las Vegas. Dr. Drake Ramoray is a neurosurgeon, one of the best in Salem, but unfortunately doesn't have the ability to help a man suffering from a clear case of foodal chokage.

Monica Geller

She's always the hostess. Monica is compulsively neat and can't even leave her shoes in the living room overnight; she'd rather wake up early to put them back so nobody knows. But hey, compulsively neat is better than "cheater cheater, compulsive eater," as Ross used to say to her when her nickname was Big Fat Goalie. Don't let Monica plan your birthday party- you'll end up with a boggle tournament and birthday flan (happy birthday, here's some goo). She doesn't like crummies, and will remind you feet on the floor or come over no more. Monica is very competitive, and will raise her hand to answer a question she asked. She's breezy, and says it too, which totally negates the breezy. When unemployed, she spends her time as a personal trainer, she is the energy train and you are on board, woo woo! If you see Monica making jam, know that it's her plan to get over her man; and what's the opposite of man- jam.