Scary Monster Jobs listing

Oct. 2, 2007

Following is a list of new and exciting jobs posted recently on our jobs board by employers. Interested candidates are invited to send resumes to the listed contacts, with copies to application@scarymonster.com and a permission slip from your mother.

• Telephone Sanitizer: entry-level, no allergies to cleaning supplies or telephones. Pay scale $32000-$48000 depending on experience. Contact zaphod@galaxy.gov.
• Vampire hunter: no experience necessary, but blood type AB preferred. Pre-employment security check: must be visible in mirror. Pay negotiable. Contact buffy@wb.com.
• Wombat Stylist: some experience with non-human hair care preferred, must be able to work nights. Pay scale $28000-$93000 depending on whether interviewer likes you. Contact armand@sdzoo.org.
• Assistant Manager of Managerial Assistants: requires 1-4 years supervisory experience and a grasp of the absurd. Pay scale $47,503.85-$47,504.12 depending on phase of moon. Contact hr@bureaucracy.com.
• Undisclosed position in Department of Homeland Security. Job duties classified. Skills and experience classified. Pay classified. Don't contact us; we'll contact you.

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